"Through 65 years of “Peaks and Valleys” I never thought before that they “are not just things that happen to you.” Looking back, I can see just how true that is.
I got married young, and had my first child right after high school. My husband left me with three kids to take care of – ages 1 to 12 – and I have to tell you, it certainly seemed like something that “just happened to me”. I can’t even think about those first few months without losing it. For years I went back and forth between being furious at him, and blaming myself. I was worried the whole time that my children were going to be scarred for life.
But a few years later, I started to come out of that Valley. With my own business, two daughters off to college and a new relationship, and really felt like my life had changed. But I see now that how I felt inside really got me from a valley to a peak. I could have lived in that valley forever if I didn’t learn to stop feeling like a victim.
Then, years later my second husband was diagnosed with a terminal disease. He was always an active, fun person, but as he got more and more ill, his whole outlook changed for the worse. He was depressed and angry, and so was I. I thought my divorce was tough, but those ten years were the Grand Canyon of valleys for me.
There’s no way you could tell me that didn’t “happen” to us, but I think that the point of the book is that valleys aren’t “just” things that happen to you. The way he felt did as much as the disease to make it a valley. He believed he was in an inescapable valley and heading deeper all the time. That was real - he just never got any better, even for a day. But he never saw the good in it. It could have been a time to connect with our children, friends and each other instead of focusing on work and other things. I don’t blame him, but I do think we lost a lot of time.
I am back on a Peak again, and I plan to try to stay there as long as I can. I am in a relationship with someone who really is perfect for me, I have another business that keeps me busy, and my kids are doing so well. Things aren’t perfect – I worry about my mother and my aunts, my kids seem really stressed out, and I have had a couple of health scares. But I do see that these aren’t just things that happen to us. We can all get through our valleys and back up to our peaks.